A job prospect...

Recently, I came across the following ad on craigslist:

HENCHMEN NEEDED (London, but planned worldwide expansion)

Reply to: job-783766933@craigslist.org

Date: 2008-08-05, 2:34PM BST

20-30 henchmen needed for moderately-sized supervillain organisation with large expansion potential (fortresses built into geological structures, corruption of government officials, possible genesis of 'nemesis' vigilante). Electrical theme.

Applicants must be willing to learn new skills, including but not limited to operation of specialised 'lightning guns'. Applicants will also be required to wear specialised uniform when at work (functional rubber suits with my logo on front), except in cases where deception is required (posing as hostages in order to ambush vigilantes, etc).

Desired (but not necessarily required) in applicants:

-interesting deformations/obsessions/powers(?) giving rise to interesting nicknames (e.g. Claws, Pyro, Buzzsaw, and similar)

-unwavering loyalty

-being a corruptible government official

-ability to work as part of a close-knit team (unless interesting obsession is of the 'lone wolf' variety)

-grudge against any well-known vigilante

-flexible moral code

Equal opportunies employer. Both henchmen and femmes fatales absolutely welcome.

Great promotion opportunities - right-hand-man position constantly being unexpectedly opened. Would look good on any future supervillain resume/CV.

Send an email with details of any prior henchman work, or details of what is driving you to join the ranks of a supervillain organisation. Will reply to all serious applicants. Hope to hear from you, and with luck, welcome you into a rewarding and promising career!

- Jacque (The Zapper) Zerapi

* Location: London, but planned worldwide expansion

* Compensation: £20,000pa starting salary, with added commissions based around success of supervillain operations. Contracts negotiable depending on applicant's personal skills/powers.

* Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.

* Please, no phone calls about this job!

* Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

I, of course, needed to apply.

Greetings,

I would like to apply to the position of Henchman as posted to craigslist.org.

The majority of my career has been involved with a major evil corporation, based in the Pacific Northwest, whose end goal was to not only ensure that every household had a computer, but that their particular software was going to be on that computer.  As naught but a cog in the machine, I toiled and toiled at the hands of unseen masters to help achieve this goal.

Luckily, all was not lost.  I found a position in the belly of the beast at which I excelled, helping to run the online communities which tried to provide a sense of transparency into the organization. While the hint of hidden beauty is often far better than what you see when it is stripped naked, true evil is best seen clearly.

What is truly driving me to join the ranks of your supervillain organisation is that I have spent years toiling for an established organisation.  I wish to be employed in a startup, to help that fledgling group become the true evil that it can become.

Do I have hopes and dreams of becoming a supervillain in the future? No, that would be stepping both too high and not high enough.  My goal is to become the person behind the scenes, the one that the transparency never quite reaches to, hidden in a back office, whispering plans into the welcoming ear of the charismatic leader, or whoever will pay me enough to hear my devilish machinations.

Thank you for your time and for this opportunity.   A more detailed resume and/or evil plan samples are available upon request.

John Eddy